For
A to Z 2015 I will be posting flash fiction, all random, all the crazy musings
of a crazy mind. Hope you like them.
E is for Escape
The girl sat on the
train with her back pressed up tight against the seat. There were four others
on the seat with her, the seat made for two. The girl knew none of them.
Actually, that is not true. She knew they were escaping, like her. That is all
anyone need know in times such as these. What told her, you may ask? Simple:
They were silent.
The train, however,
was not. It rattled and rolled down tracks laid centuries ago, by others
looking for their own kind of escape. The bell sounded as the train came to a
stop. She stole a quick glance to the boys to her right. Would they be
brave enough to step off? Would she?
The bell sounded
again once, twice, and the train began rolling. None of them had moved, and
then one of them did. One of the boys darted out the nearest door.
The girl watched out
her window to see his fate. Those next to her didn’t dare, and for good reason.
The guards had him already, one on each arm.
The girl looked
straight forward again. She had known that wasn’t her stop.
-Mel
This story builds in intensity, I went from a casual reader to grinding my teeth by the end of it, and then, just that one line at the end 'She had known that wasn't her stop.' oddly made me relax just a little.
ReplyDeleteSophie
Sophie's Thoughts & Fumbles
FB3X
Wittegen Press
Ooh, interesting. Makes me wonder what, exactly, is going on, and what will happen to them.
ReplyDeleteAnother excellent flash fiction piece! Good work!
ReplyDeletePrecious Monsters
Makes me want to know what she is trying to escape from, what kind of life... Whatever it is, it doesn't sound free.
ReplyDeleteOh oh! What great tension and an ominous atmosphere.
ReplyDeleteI am biting my nails. I hope she can escape!
ReplyDeleteI am biting my nails. I hope she can escape!
ReplyDeleteOMG... chills, Mel. I got chills.
ReplyDeleteThis one is a super teaser! I'm so curious as to where this is going!! Elle @ Erratic Project Junkie
ReplyDeleteRather scary! Have patience and wait for the right stop.
ReplyDeleteVery intense journey!
ReplyDelete"...rattled and rolled down tracks laid centuries ago, by others looking for their own kind of escape."
ReplyDeleteMy line of the day award goes to you, Mel.
Intriguing story.... where *was* her stop, I wonder...
Excellent! Dark and somber, but well written.
ReplyDeleteLife & Faith in Caneyhead
I am Ensign B ~ One of Tremp's Troops with the
A to Z Challenge
Fab! Now I want to read the rest of it :)
ReplyDeleteMars
Curling Stones for Lego People
Again, I really want to read more!!
ReplyDeleteOf all your A-Z entries thus far, this one is the most intriguing to me. You should really develop this one!
ReplyDelete